Yanno, I’m a pretty patient guy. I bide my time. I wait my turn. I give people plenty of room on the interstate when they decide to cut me off.
Which is why when I spent months building Sean Avery into hockey’s badass every chance I could (and I beat that motherfucking horse to death over and over), I didn’t fly off the handle when he decided to intern at Vogue this summer. Hell, I didn’t even do a post on it. But some things, even I cannot stand.
Dear uptight bloggers and Internet commenters who start insulting Ice Girls all willy-nilly:
You’ve hurt me, more than words can say. If you’re going to dis Ice Girls, fine, just do it in an orderly fashion, thank you very much. Righteous anger, like one’s concentration during cunnilingus, should be tightly focused. It does no one any good to just start slopping your tongue all over the place.
Ice Girls, especially, don’t deserve this treatment. Ice Girls represent, if not the pinnacle, at least a lofty crag on the mountain of hockey enjoyment. Let me explain: I like sports. I like ladies. These are sportsladies! Hooray! They have my whole-hearted support. But not everyone is such a fan. Continue reading
We here at MYFO try rarely to be serious about things. We bring the funny. But there are times, such as now, where we stare at a piece of news and can find no humorous slant to take on it, because it’s just infuriating. This summer, we will be introducing a series of Open Letters to personalities around the NHL. As always, much love and respect to the artist formerly known as I Party With Smoot for the artwork. Today, we introduce the first in that series, an Open Letter to Gary Bettman.
We at MYFO would be remiss if we didn’t take a moment to mention the untimely passing of George Carlin on Sunday at the age of 71. Carlin, one of the most gifted and brilliant comedians to ever hold a microphone, was so much more than a comedian – he was a social commentator that had the innate ability to reveal all the hypocrisy, folly and hilarity that pervaded the Human Condition. Carlin saw the world from a unique view that was all his own and we are all the better for it. I am reminded of one of his legendary bits regarding sports where he dicusses hockey:
Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It’s not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody. If these guys had more brains then teeth, they’d do these things one at a time. First go ice-skating, then fool around with a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the shit out of somebody. The day would last longer, and these guys would have a lot more fun. Another reason why hockey isn’t a sport is that it’s not played with a ball. Anything not played with a ball can’t be a sport. These are my rules, I make ’em up.
You most certainly did make up your own rules, sir. Thank you. You will be missed.
Apparently, fans remembered that the NHL exists this off-season. Ratings are on the rise, and Games 1 and 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals on Versus broke all sorts of records for the channel. After the jump are some interesting bits of trivia concerning the highest hockey numbers on cable since 2002.
We here at MYFO aren’t ones to shy away from making a joke at Commissioner Gary Bettman’s expense (or even giving him his own tag, or taking a gratuitous cheap shot). But when I saw the news that Martin Erat had signed a 7-year, $31.5 million deal with Nashville, I got to thinking. What if he’s not such a moronic douchenozzle after all? Continue reading