Cashblowing: Send ‘Em to Nicaragua Edition

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog.  Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair.  In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

Can’t say there’s a whole lot happening right now that makes me want to rush out to the NHL Shop and start burning through my hard-earned currency.  It’s not that I don’t see that you’ve signed Dan Fritsche to an entry-level deal, Colorado; he’s just not exactly at the top of my must-buy Avs jersey list.

Ok, you got me.  No such list exists.

And I don’t care what they’re saying about gas prices going back down, I’ve got to keep my wallet in check.  And besides, our guest room has been swallowed up by this monstrosity, so where would I put fresh NHL.com gear?  Hell, Madden came out today.  I’m broke.

But in case YOU, the loyal MYFO reader, would like to contribute towards Gary Bettman’s annual bonus, here are some curiously-low cost items, courtesy of your friends at Inventory Clearance Central.

Hey Peter Forsberg, Why Don’t You Go Ahead And Go Back To Sweden? No One Here Wants You Around Anymore

Last night, Big Floppa received a double minor for high-sticking when he smashed his stick into Mikael Samuelsson’s grill, knocking out a tooth of the Detroit winger. Here’s the play.

Certainly not a terribly reckless act by Forsberg, but it was worthy of a penalty being called. The infuriating aspect is what Big Floppa said after the game regarding the incident.

The Garbage Pail Kids Predicted the Future of Sports: A MYFO/FCL Joint

Hey there, crossover fans of 1980s nostalgia and sports!  Remember those wacky Garbage Pail Kids that used to be all the rage?  The burgeoning hipster’s response to the tyranny of Cabbage Patch?  Well, we here at MYFO and those zany characters over at Food Court Lunch sure do.  Heck, when we were kids our dresser was a literal collage of GPK and baseball stickers.  It was the only place one could find Wade Boggs next to Smelly Sally.  Well, maybe not the only place.  But for the most part, outside of the bedroom furniture and shoeboxes of pre-pubescent boys, Garbage Pail Kids and sports were wholly unrelated.

Or so we thought.

Turns out, the folks over at Garbage Pail Headquarters (which we both hope and assume is a building shaped like a large trash can) proved to be not only masters of delicious puns and booger-artistry, but sporting soothsayers as well.  In some cases, their predictions were downright…eerie.

The guys over at Food Court Lunch have the lowdown for most sports. After the jump, we take on hockey.

Prepare to have your mind blown, not unlike this guy.

MYFO’s Completely Impartial Playoff Preview: Wild VERSUS Avalanche

As we enter the mystical time of the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs, MYFO felt it was necessary to take an open-minded look at the matchups in the Quarterfinals and provide our dear readers with an even-handed preview of each series.

Next up is Weed Against Speed with his preview of the Wild/Avalanche series, which kicks off tonight at the Xcel Energy Center in Saint Paul.

Forsberg Contemplates Shitting, Getting Off Pot

After weeks of breathless Peter Forsberg updates–he’s going to Philly! No, Nashville! No, he’s staying retired! But wait!–you would think the entire hockey media would take a collective break. Maybe a couple weeks without typing “Foppa,” two weeks without running a photo of his chiseled Swedish face.

Alas, it seems we are doomed to be treated to more breathless updates. Sure, he’s signed with Colorado. But will he play tonight? Or won’t he? He’s still undecided. *Coughattentionwhorecough*.

The Impact of the Forsberg Signing on the Avalanche

The Swedish Chef is the Avalanche. The chicken is the team they face in the first round of the playoffs.