Chad Kroeger Ain’t Got Shit On Me

Dear Coach Lemaire and Mr. Risebrough,

I can’t believe what just happened. I thought we would be together forever. It was my dream to be back home. I guess some things just aren’t meant to work out but I just feel so damned stupid for believing all of your lies.

As you know, I am a huge fan of Arena Rock – you know, the good stuff. Especially Nickelback. I can put them on and just lose myself in their rockin’ jams.

There are so many things I want to say to you both but I can’t find the words to articulate how I am feeling right now. Instead, if you would indulge me, I have chosen to express the pain I am now feeling in song.

Hey, Harding, fire up that karaoke machine, will ya? Yeah, I know, you got next.

Arrivederci, Marc Crawford, in bocca al lupo!

As most of you are aware by now, the Los Angeles Kings fired head coach Marc Crawford on Tuesday, ending his coaching tenure with the team after only two seasons, where he posted a 59-84-21 record. But, as is often the case in professional sports, two seasons plus no playoff appearances equals no job for the head coach. Add that to the fact that the Kings haven’t sniffed the playoffs since the 2001-2002 season, and it’s not surprising their front office’s patience has worn thin.

But we here at MYFO do not like to dwell on Crawford’s past – it’s not our style – nope, not at all. Instead, let us look to the future and attempt to ascertain where Marc Crawford might go from here.

Coach Q Leaving Colorado; Will Continue Hobby of Messing with Starship Captains

Coaching hockey’s no fun when you can’t use your godlike Continuum powers to expand the other team’s goal to four times its normal size, or turn Chris Chelios into a superannuated skating cadaver. So long Colorado; hello Greater Magellanic Cloud. I hear there’s an upstart team of android zemtok ball players looking for some direction. Hope they like playing boring D and early playoff exits.

Jacques Martin Out as Florida Coach; Will Clean Out Office if Damned Paper Bag Will Let Him

Jacques Martin’s checkered career as a coach in the NHL is on hiatus (I won’t say “over,” because you know how NHL GMs love to recycle “veteran” coaches, even mediocre-to-bad ones). He has “agreed” to step aside so that he can “focus” on his front-office duties.

Martin was brought in to coach back in 2004, at the same time the Panthers hired Mike Keenan to be their GM. Hmm, that move didn’t work out too well, either coughLuongocough. Keenan, as we’ve seen, landed nicely on his feet in Calgary (the Devil is still kicking himself over that deal). Martin has not been quite so lucky. Without Luongo, the Panthers have been a doormat, failing to make the playoffs all three seasons he has coached. Moreover, they have been amazingly consistent, garnering 86, 85, and 86 points in those three seasons.

Caps Fans Want Glen Hanlon on the Hot Seat, And Pronto

Tarik El-Bashir, the Washington Post beat writer for the Washington Capitals (El-Bashir also has an informative blog), fielded questions from fans in an online discussion last week. Judging from the tenor of the questions, “It’s still early” is NOT a favorite mantra among the Washington faithful. If these fans had their way, coach Glen Hanlon would be swinging from the Washington Monument. One of the more moderate examples:

Arlington, VA: If the Caps do not make the playoffs, does Ted Leonsis finally make a move and bring in a new general manager and coach?

Hey, nothing like a little early-November hockey hyperventilation! Never mind that Chris Clark is out recuperating from a grisly injury, or that Alexander Semin and Tom Poti have also been out. There are only 70 games left! Fire the coach! You can read El-Bashir’s answers for yourself; after the jump MYFO has the transcript of how their favorite owner would have responded to these questions.

Anyone who had Bob Hartley in the Hot Seat Sweepstakes, Time to Collect

The Atlanta Thrashers, losers of their first six, have fired Bob Hartley as their manager. Shockingly, going the first two weeks of a season without a win, when two teams that traveled to another hemisphere have wins, is cause for your head meeting the chopping block. True to form in being tasteless, we here at MYFO are setting up the NHL Head Coach Dead Pool. After the jump for your perusal are the current odds for the next head coach to get shitcanned.