Bert Hall is a douche

While Avery – the league’s biggest agitator – has no reservations when it comes to getting under an opponent’s skin, his former roommate-turned boss has established a limit.

“Just one,” Hull explained to TSN. “(I said) as long as you don’t embarrass the organization, you can do, say or act any way you want.”

And does that include line-crossing trash talk?

“That’s just part of gamesmanship and his personality,” Hull explained. “You’d be surprised how many guys do things like that out there. Someone’s got to be the best and someone’s got to be the worst at everything.”

And what about getting a stick up in a goaltender’s face like he did last spring against Martin Brodeur? “(That’s not acceptable) to me because that’s not the way you play hockey,” Hull told Off the Record. “Why would you want to do that? Why don’t you want to get open and get a shot away? But that was before he was with me.”

Well, la-di-fucking-da, cock knocker. You must know all about winning….when your foot is in the crease!

MYFO Mormonisms

Who cares if these are bad ideas--nice stems

Welcome to MYFO’s newest weekly monthly semi–weekly annual (maybe) recurring feature, MYFO Mormonism. This is a place where we have ideas that sound good in theory, but when we try to put them into practice, they really don’t turn out as well as we hoped. Much like communism. These are ideas that seem funny to us, but we’re not talented enough to make them into full-blown articles. Join your favorite Melt Your Face-Off writers after the jump for our poorly thought out ideas.

Happy Labor Day, folks

Bit of a quick hit that I stumbled upon this weekend. Getting past the overwhelming cloud of Aquanet, process for a moment that the chick is the nominee for Vice President of the United States.

I have an ex who has big tits and is pro-life. Can she be nominated for VP too? She could probably run a good play-by-play on a Big 10 basketball game, too.

I don’t care about any of your political views. I really don’t. But…seriously? Couldn’t we have at least gotten the “Boom Goes the Dynamite” dude?

NHL Mascots: Exposed! (Volume V)

Welcome to another installment of MYFO’s NHL Mascots: Exposed! Series. I am confident that by now you all know the routine, so let’s just get to it, shall we?

One caveat: as has been the case with other volumes, we are dealing with mascots, so things can get a little hairy, literally and figuratively, so be forewarned.

Uncle Ted Goes Hunting: Canadian Safari

Uncle Ted: My first (sort of) big-game hunt! How thrilling! After my first, successful foray into shooting down sports media people who shortchange me or my club, it’s time for something a little bigger, wouldn’t you say?

Boyd Gordon: Whatever you say, boss. But could you quit swinging that thing around? You’re making me a little nervous.

What A Silly Little Mess This Is Turning Out To Be!

Sometime last week, at 3:00 a.m., somewhere in Ontario, a telephone rings…

Todd: Toodles!

Marc: Todd?

Todd: That’s what they call me at the nightclubs! Oh my, look at the time. Who is this?

Marc: It’s me, Marc. How are you?

OMFG NEWS ALERT: KINGS INVOLVED IN KIDDIE POR–Wait, what?

I nearly lost my lunch when I saw this headline on the L.A. Kings Web site. I thought “Kings Hope Kids Can Fill Holes” was the announcement of their bevy of teenage prospects’ participation in Vol. 36 of the estimable “Fill My Holes” DVD series. I know I suggested last summer that the NHL needed a scandal to spice things up, but this was beyond even my lurid imagination.

No, as it turns out, the article was just a halfhearted attempt to hype the Kings’ halfhearted rebuilding project (Now in Year 16 of 32!).