Philadelphia Prepares for the Coming of Yomommaween

Team sources recently revealed that the Flyers’ reserve netminder Antero Niittymaki will be out upwards of six weeks getting a repair on a torn hip labrum.  Excellent timing, Antero.  You spent all summer sitting on your couch in Helsinki playing XBox, and you’ve finally gotten around to healing the one part of you that allows lateral movement when you’re no doubt lying on the ice amidst a chaotic scene in the crease. 

So rather than call up a Phantom to play every seventh game (Marty Biron, you’re going to be busy), the Flyers have further put that cap in danger by signing a real-live NHL goaltender to fill the void.  That’s right, Jean-Sebastien Aubin is coming to town.

Oh, and he’s a heroin addict.

In Other News: Rich Guy Burns Money For Fun

Amidst all of the Philadelphia Eagles are the Second Coming of..(well, whatever pick-up team Jesus picked at recess and used to smite the 4th grade) was the news that Eric Lindros has declined an invitation to join all of the Flyers’ other captains in a historic pre-season game to be held at the soon- to-be-demolished Spectrum.  Yes, this was Big E’s big chance to stand in front of his former fans and hope for his 2005 Buckner moment, when all is forgiven.  Way to stiff a fanbase, 88.  It’s pretty unlikely that’ll ever happen now-

WHOA WHOA WHOA HERE COMES SCOTT STEVENS WATCHOUT!!!

Just kidding.

You know who else has got to be pissed?  How about every teammate who donned the orange and black alongside him during his captaincy years (1994-2000)?  Clearly, one of the perks of being the captain was that someday they might knock down the arena your team once won the Cup in, and it’s possible they’d invite the captains to stand at center ice one last time as a tribute to the team’s legacy.  I can come up with a half-dozen deserving guys that would have gladly been captain because they wouldn’t turn down a fucking invitation to be remembered greatly.

So while you mourn a memorial service for someone who died weeks ago, we’ll all be after the jump offering invitations to your old teammates, one for each year you wore that C.

Oh My God – What Have We Done?

Every year, the Philadelphia Flyers spice up their rookie/prospect/Steve Downie camp with the Trial on the Isle – “an exciting training day as part of mini-camp for the Philadelphia Flyers prospects which included a run, kayak, and charity softball game.”  Hell yes.  If there’s anything that’s going to help take down Kid Jesus and his Disciples next June, it’s the fact that our organizations teenagers played charity softball eight months in advance. 

Anyway, the Flyers website has about eleventy billion photos comemmorating the event, which probably means some lowly intern had to complete the triathalon himself so as to document a bunch of guys in orange in their invasion of Avalon, New Jersey.  If not an intern, then maybe it was Jaroslav Modry looking for a job.  Oh, he signed?  Nevermind.  Fine, it was an intern.

So while this may seem like a publicity stunt crossbred with cardiovascular endurance training, we here at MYFO have come to a startling revelation.  If you might remember, two years ago the Flyers were awful.  Like Tomb of the Dragon Emperor awful.  As a reward for their sucktitude, they were granted a top 5 pick, which they spent on college boy James van Riemsdyk.

What a colossal mistake.

Thnks fr th Mmrs

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, Will.

Where the Party At? Eastern Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Eastern Conference.

Identiflyers!

As first seen yesterday at The 700 Level, the Philadelphia Flyers are spending their off-season doing two things.  1) Shaving their awful playoff beards.  2) Throwing ceremonial baseballs at unsuspecting back-up catchers or base coaches.  It’s true.  Monday at Citizens Bank Park, the Flyers assembled a mighty shift of 6 to throw 1 baseball about 60 feet.  That’s some teamwork.

(Elsewhere, Steve Downie cheap shotted a cotton candy vendor.)

And thanks to Ladies…  Emeritus Clare, we have this fine snapshot depicting these Flyers in their finest moment of sauntering.  Who are they, you may ask?  Hell if I know.  So rather than do the responsible thing and search the local papers for the full foul line roster, let’s have a little quiz.  Let’s see if you can (insert awesome game show music)…

IDENTIFLY!

See You On The Fairway: Philadelphia Flyers

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.