Season Preview: Columbus Blue Jackets

After every Columbus goal, the cannon fires Brittanie Cecil’s ashes.

Cashblowing: Send ‘Em to Nicaragua Edition

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog.  Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair.  In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

Can’t say there’s a whole lot happening right now that makes me want to rush out to the NHL Shop and start burning through my hard-earned currency.  It’s not that I don’t see that you’ve signed Dan Fritsche to an entry-level deal, Colorado; he’s just not exactly at the top of my must-buy Avs jersey list.

Ok, you got me.  No such list exists.

And I don’t care what they’re saying about gas prices going back down, I’ve got to keep my wallet in check.  And besides, our guest room has been swallowed up by this monstrosity, so where would I put fresh NHL.com gear?  Hell, Madden came out today.  I’m broke.

But in case YOU, the loyal MYFO reader, would like to contribute towards Gary Bettman’s annual bonus, here are some curiously-low cost items, courtesy of your friends at Inventory Clearance Central.

All It Takes is a First-Round Pick

Now all you have to do is sign him.  Don’t worry Hitch, 10 playoff goals won’t inflate his salary too much.

Where the Party At? Western Conference Edition

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick.

Today, the Western Conference.

See You on the Fairway: Central Edition

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs. Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.

LeNoceur has the Central Division’s tee times.

Douche War: Dallas at Columbus

Thanks to Storming the Floor’s College Basketball Closer on Deadspin the other day, we learned a little more than we ever wanted to know about Stanford’s Brook Lopez. The source of this unfortunate news flash would be the good people of SI.com, whose weekly Pop Culture Grid give us insight into the personal preferences of the sports world’s BIGGEST STARS.

Or in this case, two college basketball players and a couple of NHL unknowns.

Who’s ready for a Douche-Off!?!?!

Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors: Feeling Stabby

This edition of Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors is brought to you by our friend Stabby up there. Isn’t he cute?