We Probably Should Have Seen This Coming

BUFFALO (MYFO) — In a completely unexpected and baffling turn of events, tomorrow’s NHL AMP Winter Classic has been canceled due to the ongoing WGA Writers Strike. 

Last minute talks to save the telecast, which was scheduled for 1PM Eastern on NBC, broke down in the eleventh hour in what is being called a “huge blow to outdoor sporting events that are usually accustomed to being played as indoor sporting events.”  The city of Buffalo has been left in complete shock, a welcome change from most of the winter, during which their extremities feel nothing because of the icy wind chills.

We Were There: The Lightning Hockey Classic

Welcome to a new feature here on MYFO: We Were There. This is where we go out and try to look cool and professional while really just trying to get laid by saying we run one of the top ten hockey blogs on the internet.

I got a call late Saturday night offering me a couple center-ice seats for the Tampa Bay Lightning Hockey Classic. Apparently, Tampa is showing they’re ready for a full-fledged Final Four to be held in downtown Tampa, and having an assload of NCAA sports played at the Forum is their way of showing it. After the jump, read along as I sat through one of the most entertaining games I’ve ever seen.

Blues Fans Amass Pitchforks, Torches; Plan to Storm Scottrade Center and Kill Eric Brewer

Eric Brewer is not a popular fellow in St. Louis. In many cities, he would be an unremarkable hockey player. Decent skater, plays solid defense more or less. An average NHLer, at the very least. But in River City, Brewer will forever be known for two things. First, he was the return, along with a bag of magic beans, for the trade of franchise cornerstone Chris Pronger to Edmonton. Second, he spent most of his first season in St. Louis injured, and then started out his second season stinking like a wet dog, to put it charitably. After Andy Murray’s arrival as head coach, Brewer picked up his play, further arousing fans’ ire–he had been playing like crap more or less on purpose under former head coach Mike Kitchen. With that track record, the Blues’ fanbase is prepared to pin any number of the team’s and city’s ills squarely on Brewer’s forehead.

TWW: What I Want for Christmas

No matter what you celebrate this season, I’m sure we can all agree on one thing. Sidney Crosby died for our sins. After the jump, a very special The Weekly Whoring in which we reveal a couple Christmas wishes for the league. Happy holidays, gang.

Profiles In Douchebaggery: New York Islanders GM Garth Snow Enjoys the Company of College-Aged Men

 

 

 

Kyle Okposo, a sophomore on the Minnesota Golden Gophers hockey team, has decided to leave the program and is joining the New York Islanders, the team who drafted him No. 7 overall in last year’s NHL draft. The announcement came Wednesday and on Thursday, the General Manager of the Islanders, Garth Snow, or how I now choose to refer to him, Algar Cocksmacker, had this to say:

“Quite frankly, we weren’t happy with the program there. They have a responsibility to coach, to make Kyle a better player, and they were not doing that. [Okposo] just wasn’t getting better — bottom line. And to me, that’s the frustrating part. We entrusted the coach there to turn him into a better hockey player, and it wasn’t happening. We feel more comfortable in him developing right under our watch.”

Here is what I have to say about that quote: Go fuck yourself, Algar. We all know what this is really all about: your white-hot man-love for college boys. The sooner you face it, the sooner we can all move on.

Claiming Hockey is Now Too Easy for Him, Marian Gaborik Plans to Hang Up Skates and Become A Formula One Driver

 

Five goals, man. Five freaking goals. Someone told me this was first time someone score five goals in NHL game since Sergei Federov did ten years ago. That is the tits, man, as you people say. This hockey stuff getting too easy for me. I’m like gigantic monsters in old video game Rampage and I go destroy building and shit and Army helicopter cannot stop me, I keep climbing and grabbing sexy lady out of windows and shove in my mouth but I’m on the ice and buildings is pucks and…umm…

Shit, that not make sense but you know what I mean. I own Rangers last night. Henrik Lundqvist ain’t nothing. God, I hate Swedish. And Slovakian team would have kicked Swedish ass in Turin in semifinals if we do not eat our asses against fucking Czechs in quarterfinals. Whatever. I treat Lundqvist like Swedish nanny last night. That is why I have “Slovakians Do It Better Than Swedes” bumper sticker on Escalade.

You know, if I totally dominate a Gold medal-winning goalie like that, what is point? I have proven all I need to in NHL. That is why I hang up skates and become Formula One race car driver.

Closer to the edge…

I’ve made light in past articles of the fact that the producer of the Saw films is buying the Lightning. But the further along this deal goes, the more I start to wonder….there may be more to this guy than using movie quotes to get a cheap laugh.

After the jump, read why Oren Koules may have the last laugh, and why the Jigsaw doll still scares the fuck out of me.