MYFO Open Letter Series: The One Where Weed Against Speed Goes America All Over the Wild’s Ass

As you may or may not have heard, the Wild and dickmuncher agent Ron Salcer are currently locked in a battle over the Wild’s attempts to sign Marian Gaborik to a long-term contract. Gabby will be an unrestricted free agent after this season so it is imperative that the Wild either sign him before the start of the season or be forced to deal with the day-to-day distractions that the “will they or won’t they trade him” situations always undoubtedly cause (I’m looking at you, Mats Sundin, you assclown).

Alternatively, the Wild could ship Gaborik’s goldbricking ass to some other team before the start of the season. I’m not saying it’s the best option, but it may come to that.

What it all boils down to is this: GET THE FUCKING THING DONE ALREADY!

MYFO Open Letter Series: Sean Avery gets the Sean Avery Treatment

Yanno, I’m a pretty patient guy. I bide my time. I wait my turn. I give people plenty of room on the interstate when they decide to cut me off.

Which is why when I spent months building Sean Avery into hockey’s badass every chance I could (and I beat that motherfucking horse to death over and over), I didn’t fly off the handle when he decided to intern at Vogue this summer. Hell, I didn’t even do a post on it. But some things, even I cannot stand.

MYFO’s Open Letter Series: In Which LeNoceur Defends the Honor of Ice Girls Everywhere

Dear uptight bloggers and Internet commenters who start insulting Ice Girls all willy-nilly:

You’ve hurt me, more than words can say. If you’re going to dis Ice Girls, fine, just do it in an orderly fashion, thank you very much. Righteous anger, like one’s concentration during cunnilingus, should be tightly focused. It does no one any good to just start slopping your tongue all over the place.

Ice Girls, especially, don’t deserve this treatment. Ice Girls represent, if not the pinnacle, at least a lofty crag on the mountain of hockey enjoyment. Let me explain: I like sports. I like ladies. These are sportsladies! Hooray! They have my whole-hearted support. But not everyone is such a fan.

MYFO Editorial: Open Letter to Gary Bettman

We here at MYFO try rarely to be serious about things. We bring the funny. But there are times, such as now, where we stare at a piece of news and can find no humorous slant to take on it, because it’s just infuriating. This summer, we will be introducing a series of Open Letters to personalities around the NHL. As always, much love and respect to the artist formerly known as I Party With Smoot for the artwork. Today, we introduce the first in that series, an Open Letter to Gary Bettman.