Welcome to the newest almost-ready-to-be-retired feature on MYFO: Welcome Back! We know there’s a lot of fans of football teams that have nothing to pay attention to anymore. Knowing that, they’re turning to other sports. We’re happy to help. Every time a football team’s season ends, we’ll welcome those fans back to the fold by giving them an update as to what that city’s team has been up to this year.
When you come down from your Super Bowl high, and are ready to tune into hockey once again, MYFO hereby brings you up to speed on New York/Jersey hockey.
YOUR New York Rangers served up a Super Bowl appetizer by terrorizing the Canadiens Sunday afternoon with five unanswered goals. Messier and Leetch are still retired, but Michal Rozsival and Scott Gomez do a reasonable impersonation on some nights. The problem: there aren’t enough of those nights. Despite an expensive, “star”-laden roster (in addition to Gomez and Roszival, Brendan Shanahan, Jaromir Jagr, Chris Drury and Martin Straka all make many millions; heck, even Paul Mara and Marek Malik pull down hefty salaries), the Rangers are still only sixth in the East. On the plus side, they do feature the rowdiest of the Staal brothers and super-sexy Sean Avery. However, someone should have told Tom Renney that Swedish goaltenders and electric cars do have one thing in common: you can’t go very far riding either one.
Meanwhile, across the river…
YOUR New Jersey Devils are still trapping like 18th-century French voyageurs. Brent Sutter is the coach, until Crazy Uncle Lou decides otherwise, but many stalwarts remain: Patrik Elias, Martin Brodeur, Sergei Brylin, Colin White, Grant Marshall, Brian Gionta, Jay Pandolfo and John Madden are still around if you want to reminisce about that 2003 Stanley Cup. Most of those guys can tell you all about 2000, too. “Radical change” is not part of the lexicon in Devils Country. The story of the Devils is the same as it ever was: slowly, methodically marching toward the playoffs, and if Brodeur gets hot and somebody scores some timely goals, they have as good a chance as anyone to win it all. Christ, they’re boring.
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Melt Your Face-Off 
wow, that was a pretty good description of both teams. except that i wouldn’t mention rosival in a sentence with “star” in it, unless it said “rosival is NOT a star”.
Do the Islanders count here? or do we assume all Islander fans were Jet fans?
The combo of the words “sexy” and “Avery” is awesomely hilarious.
@wraparoundcurl: I know, it’s like “knob” and “gobbler” or “cock” and “knockers.” Poetry in motion!
@ Domi
You left off slack jawed junk slut.
@ Pam: You’ll notice the quotes around “star,” leaving the reader to interpret it as she chooses. Also, yes, we assumed Jets fans follow the Isles:
http://meltyourfaceoff.net/2008/01/02/welcome-back-northeast-edition/
Wait, wait, where’s the comforting “welcome back” to return hilariously disappointed 18-1 fans to the embrace of their beloved Br…..
oh, right.
…Maybe there are some disappointed Habs fans out there?
@wraparoundcurl
You left off slack jawed junk slut.
Hell, I can’t even pronounce that one, but it is a beauty
@domi
Thanks. I can’t take full credit for it. I nicked it from a Penny Arcade strip.
@DS – we’re here, we’re just not very talkative
HF29: Don’t get too down. As someone astutely pointed out, the ’72 Fins are as nothing compared to the specter of having to listen to Massholes not shutting up for the NEXT FIFTY YEARS. We should all thank the Giants. *patpat*