Goon of the Week: Jody Shelley

The Original Goon

Well, my last couple “Goons of the Week” (fortnight, month, whatever) have featured the bad side of goonery–one of the cheapest of cheap shots ever, and a sneaky coaching maneuver. Today, though, MYFO celebrates the positive side of gonnery, in the person of Jody Shelley. Continue reading

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Mats Sundin Wishes Writers’ Strike to End Soon

00014281-857038_400.jpgHowie: Welcome back to Deal or No Deal, I’m Howie Mandel.  Our new contestant is a professional hockey player for the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Audience, let’s welcome our newest contestant, MATS SUNDIN!

Audience: (wildly enthusiastic for no damn reason) WHOO!!!!

Mats: Great to be here, Howie (fist bump).  Why am I here again?  I already make millions playing professional hockey in a town that loves me and the sport that I play.

Howie: Excellent point, Mats.  You see, we here at Deal or No Deal received a call from the new GM of your team, Cliff Fletcher, who has a bit of a quandary on his hands.  Your team, the Leafs, are at the bottom of the Eastern Conference.  You are a highly-valued asset that could help a team in playoff contention win the Stanley Cup.  Yet, you refuse to go anywhere, therefore continuing your career without a championship and leaving the Leafs devoid of future prospects and draft picks to rebuild a once-great franchise.  That brings us here.

Mats: So what?

Howie: Each of our 26 beautiful ladies is holding a case.  The cases they hold contain the names of 26 NHL franchises –

Mats: Um, there are 30 teams.

Howie: Yes, we know.  Fletcher insisted on leaving out your division rivals.  Like I was saying, your job is to select a case.  That case will be yours, unless you cut a deal with our banker, Gary Bettman.  If you choose to keep this case throughout, you will end up with that team. 

Mats: Which case has Toronto?

Howie: I can’t tell you that.

Mats: Fine.  I pick number 13, for obvious reasons.

Howie: Because it’s your jersey number?

Mats: No, because of that leggy blonde holding the case with my number.  Come to Grandmaster Mats, baby.

Howie: Sigh.  I hate tie-in shows.  Mats Sundin, it’s time to play DEAL OR NO DEAL.

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Natty Bumppo Was a Pussy

 

SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. My juices no flow throughout body. I needs to wake up with evil Frenchies in town.

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