Goon of the Week: Jody Shelley

Well, my last couple “Goons of the Week” (fortnight, month, whatever) have featured the bad side of goonery–one of the cheapest of cheap shots ever, and a sneaky coaching maneuver. Today, though, MYFO celebrates the positive side of gonnery, in the person of Jody Shelley.

Mats Sundin Wishes Writers’ Strike to End Soon

Howie: Welcome back to Deal or No Deal, I’m Howie Mandel.  Our new contestant is a professional hockey player for the Toronto Maple Leafs.  Audience, let’s welcome our newest contestant, MATS SUNDIN!

Audience: (wildly enthusiastic for no damn reason) WHOO!!!!

Mats: Great to be here, Howie (fist bump).  Why am I here again?  I already make millions playing professional hockey in a town that loves me and the sport that I play.

Howie: Excellent point, Mats.  You see, we here at Deal or No Deal received a call from the new GM of your team, Cliff Fletcher, who has a bit of a quandary on his hands.  Your team, the Leafs, are at the bottom of the Eastern Conference.  You are a highly-valued asset that could help a team in playoff contention win the Stanley Cup.  Yet, you refuse to go anywhere, therefore continuing your career without a championship and leaving the Leafs devoid of future prospects and draft picks to rebuild a once-great franchise.  That brings us here.

Mats: So what?

Howie: Each of our 26 beautiful ladies is holding a case.  The cases they hold contain the names of 26 NHL franchises –

Mats: Um, there are 30 teams.

Howie: Yes, we know.  Fletcher insisted on leaving out your division rivals.  Like I was saying, your job is to select a case.  That case will be yours, unless you cut a deal with our banker, Gary Bettman.  If you choose to keep this case throughout, you will end up with that team. 

Mats: Which case has Toronto?

Howie: I can’t tell you that.

Mats: Fine.  I pick number 13, for obvious reasons.

Howie: Because it’s your jersey number?

Mats: No, because of that leggy blonde holding the case with my number.  Come to Grandmaster Mats, baby.

Howie: Sigh.  I hate tie-in shows.  Mats Sundin, it’s time to play DEAL OR NO DEAL.

Natty Bumppo Was a Pussy

 

SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. My juices no flow throughout body. I needs to wake up with evil Frenchies in town.