Where In The World Is Wes Walz?

Minnesota Wild center Wes Walz is missing. He has been essentially incommunicado with the organization since last Wednesday, when he requested a leave of absence from the team. Rumor has it that the 37 year-old Walz, who is apparently unhappy with his performance so far this season, is contemplating retirement. Even Jacques Lemaire has begun to refer to Walz as if he is already gone for good.

The possibility that Walz is considering retirement is what they would like you to believe. Who are “they”, you ask? You got me,  but “they”, for some reason, are withholding the truth from us. Personally, I have a few ideas where Mr. Walz may be and what he might be up to. Those theories, after the jump.

Making Puck: Working for the Weekend

Wouldn’t this just be easier if I made up recaps about the four teams who DIDN’T play on Saturday?

Bruins 1, Rangers 0 – Because of the Sox-Tribe ALCS game, this game was moved up 3 hours to accomodate. Unfortunately, no one told the equipment managers, who clearly left the sticks at 7pm. Phil Kessel scores in the third round of the shootout to get the win.

Blackhawks 6, Maple Leafs 4 – 5 straight teams have opted to use their back-up goalie against Toronto. Patrick Lalime looks terrible, but gets the win as the ‘Hawks scored 5 3rd period goals. Raskolnikov stole some vodka from the liquor store to celebrate.

Canadiens 4, Sabres 2 – Alexei Kovalev played in his 998th NHL game, although The Ordinary Seaman may contend that the folks in the Statistics Department use the term “played” very generously.

Senators 4, Panthers 1 – Proving the age-old adage once again: a pasty political diplomat can defeat a ferocious jungle cat in hand-to-hand combat. Ray Emery returns to the pipes in this one.

Islanders 4, Devils 3 – Sympathy for the Devils? I have none. If you really wanted to prevent a dagger goal with 3.7 seconds left in overtime, maybe you would have played Martin Brodeur. Face it, Gary Bettman. Can’t you just let them go home already?

Flyers 3, Hurricanes 2 – Simon Gagne scores twice, including once in overtime, to down Carolina. The Flyers have now won five straight, and are coming close to eclipsing their 06-07 win total. The ‘Canes have now lost three times in overtime. Tim McCarver-esque analysis: When you let the other team score in overtime, you’re not going to win many games.

Penguins 2, Capitals 1 – Ah, the marquee match-up of the NHL: Crosby vs. Ovechkin. WHAT. A. RIVALRY. These two go back and forth, everytime, and the- what’s that? Pittsburgh has won 8 of the last 9 against Washington? Oh. So much for that.

Lightning 6, Thrashers 2 – I think Atlanta needs to fire their coach. Everytime they do that, the win one game.

Stars 3, Ducks 1 – Mike Modano? Unsportsmanlike conduct penalty? At least Willa won’t have to clear space on the mantle for the Lady Byng this year.

Wild 3, Blues 1 – The Wild continues to get points in every game they play, thanks to strong netminding from Josh Harding, a key comeback goal from Belanger, and intimidation tactics of Mr. Boogaard. As a public service, here’s how to correctly pronoucnce Branko Radivojevic. (BRAHNK-o ra-di-VOI-zhe-vic) You’re welcome.

Red Wings 5, Coyotes 2 – Kirk Maltby scored two goals in the rout. It was the first time he scored since…is this correct?..1934.

Flames 4, Oilers 1 – The official Deadspin house band, the Dropkick Murphys, are NHL.com’s Band of the Month. If only they could tell me where I could find funny pictues of Lindsay Lohan. (I clearly have nothing to say about this game.)

Sharks 3, Predators 0 – San Jose won this won by scoring more goals than the Predators, while at the same time giving up fewer.  Amazing.

You’ve Got (Incriminating) Mail!

The hot off-ice news in the NHL this week surrounds the Toronto Star’s revelation that former NHLPA Executive Director Ted Saskin was email buddies with NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly and sometimes even the Big Dog himself, Commissioner Gary Bettman.

Daly, in a series of “confidential” emails, kept Saskin apprised of all the rumors he heard from various reporters about who in the NHLPA was out to get Saskin. Apparently, some players like Chris Chelios and Steve Larmer were somewhat concerned that their union’s head was a little too cozy with ownership. Like he had a secret online relationship, or something! The NHLPA launched the Saskingate probe after Ted was caught peeking at some players’ emails.

MYFO has learned that these “FYI” emails were only the tip of the relationship iceberg for Saskin and Daly.

What the Stanley Cup Did on its Summer Vacation

We here at MYFO make no bones about saluting the winners of the Stanley Cup, the Anaheim Ducks. The Ducks fought hard and won the Cup without much scandal surrounding them, which is more than we can say for some teams (We’re looking at you, Dallas. That skate was in the crease.)

Today, because it’s a bit of a gloomy day both locally here in Tampa and nationally up in Minnesota (Thoughts, prayers, and +1s to Weed Against Speed and all our Minnesota readers. We’re told W.A.S. and his wife left town Wednesday morning, so hopefully he was long gone before the bridge collapsed), let’s try and make this light by exploring what the Cup of Sir Stanley will be doing this year as he makes his rounds through the Ducks roster.

Crime and Punishment: Part IV

Due to consuming an entire bottle of wine, Raskolnikov’s loose fingers “accidentally” sent an email to Deadspin czar Will Leitch, informing the great leader of Melt Your Face-Off’s existence. However, this action was done without the knowledge or approval of any of the other writers. We were unprepared for the resulting traffic and were caught with our pants down.

The cause of this embarrassing situation, Raskolnikov, is a crazy rogue who must be taught a lesson. Therefore, we have sent him on a series of hockey “vacations” that will teach him to respect the authority of the one in charge. These trips, while not Siberia, will test his physical and mental resilience. Will he make it through his spiritual journey to rehabilitation?

Final trip: the asylum.